Earlier today when I woke up to remember the most vivid dream I’ve ever had; I was in the middle of what appeared to be a 4-way stop, too dark to see where the road led, and fog covering for miles and miles ahead. I couldn’t see anything but a little light seeping through the fog at each stop, and as I started to worry, the light warmed my worried heart.
As I’ve been thinking about this dream today, it relates to my life so well. I feel as though I am right in the middle of a 4-way stop, that it is too dark to see where I am going when I make a move, but I can’t be scared because I see a light glimmering on each road.
I’ve got options in front of me that I shouldn’t be complaining about, I shouldn’t be writing a blog post about being 21, and having to face some really great options in front of me. I get that it’s selfish, but I also understand that I am not the only one to feel like no matter where you go your fear will follow. I have a tattoo on my left forearm that reminds me daily to “Starve Your Fear” when I am in a spot where fear will overwhelm me, I look at my arm to remind me that my life will be a series of events, that I get to witness on my own, and in each event there will be people, moments, and things that I will soon just have as a memory in the next event. I also get worried that my events can’t be written by me, and already planned out, already set out for a fail or success. I’ve grown up Christian, and I am still a Christian, but I’ll be the first to admit that there have been plenty of times in my life where I have wanted to follow my plan, not God’s, because fear was right there in my face saying I couldn’t trust someone who says they loved me so much. It sounds crazy to me, because who wouldn’t want to trust and follow someone who promised they love you more than you can even imagine. Is the light I see in each road God saying it’ll be ok, trust me and follow me? I can’t imagine that I would have the opportunity to have 4 amazing paths that God wants me to take. To me, they all look amazing, I can’t see the path, but as someone who has lived in multiple events already, I’ve seen a pattern, I hear a pattern from my elders, and I get that no matter how good or bad the travel, you learn, grown, and develop new skills set for the next chapter. Great, so now I have 4 roads that no matter good or bad, planned or unplanned it’ll bring wisdom to my life. Who can pass up any of the roads then? Where is the fear that followed me as I start to just head down a road with my eyes blindfolded, and my worried heart wrapped in a warm blanket.
In a story where I write the words, that would be my next move, just to take an option and go with it, not looking back, but taking the adventure for what it is, what it will teach me, and where it will bring me. Looking back will only cause a sense of sadness that doesn’t need to be there, because I’ll remember that each road had a light, each option was because I am loved by the Lord, and I will have an experience good or bad to remember and learn from.
Though I don’t know which road I am going to take in the next few months, or which road will give me more, I know each will give what is meant to be given and I will remind myself daily to take the adventure for what it is…