I’ve had this post archived for today. January 1st, 2015. I can’t even believe it, this is the year I was set to graduate from The Art Institute for a Bachelors Degree in Photography. I look back at my life these past few years in Minneapolis, and I am so proud of where I am today. I don’t like the idea of resolutions, as I know I’ve failed at almost all of mine since I knew they existed. I guess I just don’t like the idea of telling myself or others that I am going to work on a part of myself, and then see that thing fail within’ a few months. Yet, 2014 was the year that I discovered I can do anything I set my mind to, anything I want. It’ll take time, and may take many, many years. But, throughout the process of working toward a goal you grow, developing these set of skills to accomplish your goal. These skills are used for things like, well I guess my New Year’s Resolution this year. Which, before I took a health detox I promised myself I wouldn’t have a resolution this year. I changed my mind after I proved myself wrong after finishing a 10 day detox that let my body feel like it was more alive then ever before. I showed myself how it was to live, healthy, living day after day with motivation of achieving my goals. I did something I set my mind to, other than photography, a health detox. 10 solid full days of health for my life on this Earth, and I did it, no one else. So, my idea on resolutions changed, which meant I had to do some deep thinking about what I wanted mine to be this year. After the detox, I wish I could say I became more motivated with my art. I didn’t though. I became more and more torn away from my photography. Creating things aimlessly, for others, not for myself. All this did was make me believe that I could only have one thing. A career, or a healthy life style. Because when I tried to do one, and accomplished it, the other would fail or dim. When I worked harder at my photography, my healthy lifestyle I built up just fell right back down. These are the two things, the two things I want, the selfish side of me wants for myself. To be healthy, and successful in my passion with photography. I shut my door, I shut off my phone, and I shut off the camera for awhile, and I stopped with an obsessive health pattern, for the time being. Then, I re-discovered one day alone with everything shut off what it was I wanted. What I knew I could accomplish, and I discovered that I can have it all. Because, what’s a good career if you aren’t physically and emotionally healthy? So, my new year’s resolution is this, to remain happy, always choose the happy road. Because once you’ve got happiness, you’ve got health, you’ve got a career, and you’ve got a life worth living. I know I’m going to cry, and be sad in 2015. It’s inevitable. I’m just committing to the happiness that I should feel. I hope this resolution takes me to my goals, and my dreams. That’s all I can hope for this New Year. It’s all that feels right to hope for.
I’ve had a glimpse at what it is like to live a life where health, and my passion for photography are manageable all at once. I don’t want to let it go. I won’t let it. No matter the pain, no matter the tears. Also, no matter the joy that I may get from one thing, that may block my vision of the real goal. I am ready to start 2015, and continue the growth I’ve started from leaving college. Like I said earlier, this would have been the year I would have graduated from college, and I think about where I am now, and where I probably would be if I would have stayed in school. If I could go back to the Ali that cried on the phone with her parents about not feeling like college was right for me, and feeling bad about leaving, I would tell her “it’s ok, because in 3 1/2 years you’ll have started full-time photography, met so many new faces, and built connections that will further your career. The path your about to take is a damn hard one, but it’ll be worth it.” Though I can never go back to ease that discomfort of the unknown. I now know how possible it is to work towards a goal, to continue fighting as an artist, and never give up.
2015 will not be the year I graduate college, I truly don’t know what 2015 will bring for my life. But, I hope, that it will bring lessons, successes, failures to learn from, and a year full with my family and friends. I hope that next year, when this day rolls around for 2016 that I will be in a spot to say I can, I will, and I’ve done.
Thank you friends, family, and supporters for your endless amount of love that you’ve shown me in 2015.