Lately, I feel like my life is running in a circle. Friends are departing left and right, my days are drifting into one, and I feel like the “news” is delivered to me only through my “news feeds” I get that I’ve put myself in this situation. Technology surrounded, emotions running on repeat and missing out on the rawness of life. I realized this today, while contemplating where I see myself next year. I’m not sure to be honest, and I’d like to say I know where I am going, who I’ll be, and if I’ll succeed or fail. I guess these are selfish ways to think, and as selfish as it is, I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head that I am not where I belong right now, and my life going in circles is a sign that it’s time to move on from certain things. I don’t know what this means for me, and I guess you’ll hear that a lot, I like to blame being 20, strong-willed, and truthfully lost.
Finding myself. I’m not in a relationship that basically solidifies my future, with any person that is. Except my camera, it’s the one thing in this human world I can seem to trust, okay, emotionally speaking. I can pour my passion into the art that I create, into the love I have for life. Waking up in the morning allows unlimited possibilities to “travel, discover, create, sleep and repeat”. With my camera in hand I am allowed to take those things and turn them into an emotion that my body seems to create when art is made by my hands, my mind, and my eyes. These things are so real to me, that when I think about the time I spend on technology, other than my camera, social media, and much more that I am taking away seconds, minutes, and hours of that beautiful opportunity I am given each day I get to continuing living.
I picture my life, without the phone, without the internet; however then a part of me gets saddened, because I know I am allowed to share my work through these things, but, it also creates a sense of relief. I suppose choosing the overjoyed feeling would be ideal, but there’s something so unconnected to this so-called “connected” world… We see it all the time, on our daily “news feeds” but when is enough? When is time to set down those things, and really discover who you are, who you were made to be, and where you’ll go. Do you suppose it’s harder to work about those things with the distractions literally in our hands, and in front of our eyes? I think for me, it is.
I don’t know when, but I plan to disconnect. How, when, and where not a clue. I could start tomorrow, but a this point and time my only income comes from photography, and I love that. I don’t want to just drop that at once. I want to work at a slow and steady pace to make a transition. I hope to depart for 6 or so months finding the balance to disconnect somewhere else. When I come back, I hope that my mind is detoured from the distractions that limit me from reaching my highest potential. I can’t wait to see who I really am. When I spend time alone, with elders, with those around the world who have so much knowledge to share. I want to absorb all that I can, traveling, mindlessly exploring, making art for myself again, and sleeping under the stars, wandering through the mountains, and flying to a destination I don’t know yet. These are my hopes for my upcoming disconnect. When I come back, I hope to have a better understanding who I am, who I REALLY am, what I was created to do at that point and time, and relax about the future.
Like I said above I am not attached to any one single thing, and I’ve found life to be easier that way right now in these early stages of becoming an adult, to discover, and grow by yourself. To become one to be proud of, thankful of, and happy to live with…
Until this adventure, I will continue to travel within’ my limits, discover my friends and family, create work that allows me to live freely, sleep, and repeat.