Saying those two words has never sounded better!
As some of you know, I have been on a hiatus for the past several months.. Taking a break from all things negative in my personal life, and all things client related in my professional life. So as I sit here writing this, it has been a long time coming. I have spent my days sitting in the forrest, drinking loads of tea, making a priority to smile everyday, and surround myself around those that only put positive vibes into my life. I have done so much these past few months to repair the damages I was starting to feel, and mainly with my photography. As a creative soul who lives off of inspiration, I was starting to feel like I couldn’t find inspiration. I knew that taking a break was something I couldn’t avoid, I think it is important that we all take breaks from the things we love. I know that sounds like the opposite of what should happen, but when you think about it when something you love stresses you out, you either start to think maybe I don’t love this as much as I thought I did and quit, take a break and come back stronger than ever, or keep working at it being guided by stress. I am usually guided by stress in my life, and I can easily say I work harder for the things I want when I am stressed out to the max. But this time around, I found that if I didn’t take a break, I would need to break up with photography. I wasn’t inspired, I couldn’t find inspiration, and I had no idea where the heart and soul went when I was creating. Client shoots were fun, but I struggled with feeling happy after the fact, and felt like I wasn’t creating art for me anymore. I have said this all before, and I didn’t know how to act upon it, or fix it. So, I took a hiatus. It was probably one of the best decisions I have made.
My hiatus was not all perfect, nothing ever is. I had bad days, this time of year brings back the memories of my hardships, darkness, and life of unhappiness. However, in marking 4 years since my hospitalizations I have actually grown to love hardships, and bad days. I let them be what they are. Instead of trying to fix them. Mainly because if there has been anything I’ve learned it’s that hardships include context. They make you value the good, and realize how you can achieve to be happy and find inspiration. Bad days, really are the best. They develop the most growth, and without my past hardships I wouldn’t be who I am today. In the past I have struggled with how I was going to live during this time of year, because so much happened 4 years ago, and so much change occurred in me. I’ve looked at it both ways, a way to remember and be proud of who I am, or get extremely sad because I allowed myself to live that unhappy and extremely mistreated. I can’t go back to change past, and I have finally accepted that I don’t want to. It is all apart of my story, my fuel for my inspiration, and a drive to always live a happy life. Something I promised myself before I entered my hiatus was that I absolutely would not go back to client work, until I was ready. Because if I was not ready, my clients wouldn’t have the passionate Ali. I also promised myself that until I could recognize what was the negative in my life, that I had to remain shut off for a bit. Self reflection was a must. Before, I could never do this, and I would live off of the stress. I am so happy to announce that I AM BACK! It just feels so great, refreshed, and clean. Like stated above, those bad days will happen, however, the most important thing is embracing what it is instead of trying to change it, remain happy when the world frowns at you.
Creating personal work has not only help build my portfolio, but it has built such a drive in me that I never see leaving. I am a photographer, I am a human that feels, and I am a soul that craves for inspiration. I accept change, and I embrace the new. I have shut out so many people, and opportunities the past few months just so I could be a happier, healthier me. I hope that it is understandable, and accepted. But the new challenge is to accept what others don’t of yourself. Keep moving forward, and working hard for your dreams, and take a break if you need it, because trust me you come back stronger than ever!
I also have some extremely exciting news! I have finally found an apartment with two lovely gems who share the same passion of photography as me! I am so excited for the new journey we will be taking together in our adorable apartment.. More to come of that when we actually move in January 15th! I am also in a major prep for photography workshops, and will be starting those in the Spring of 2014!!
I welcome the upcoming New Year to you for more unlimited possibilities. Keep reaching for your dreams, because they will come in the most unexpected ways, and you will be the happiest you have ever been!