happiness is breathtaking…

We can’t tell the future, and if I had a crystal ball I’d be rich.  We all want to know what is in store for our lives, even if it means tomorrow. Some want to know more than others. I can’t count the amount of times that I have wanted to know so badly what my life holds in the future, but eventually you just learn that you will never know, and any plan you may make, it may or may not happen.  That’s a part of life we always hear, but don’t always believe until it happens to us. I probably do not have to tell you this already, because you’ve been told it before, or it’s happening to you, or already has. Lets face it, the big plan we have, no matter how many hours we put into planning it, might just not happen. Life, it gets in the way, and the best way I have learned to deal with this in my life is just live, with a smile on your face, do all the planning you want, and don’t set expectations too high.

Ask yourselves something, is there one thing that when you think of the word “happiness” that you instantly think of? That one thing that makes you so happy, that you can’t get your mind off of it? My answer is simple, photography. Now yes, I could go more into it and say well yeah, my family, friends, and etc… But typically those types of things are common, I am talking about the THING, the HOBBY, that makes YOU most happy! So what about you, what is it that makes you the most happy, and satisfied, and excited to wake up in the morning with a difficulty of going to bed because you just want to keep doing that one thing?

If you are still reading, than I bet your curious to what I am getting at… Future, happiness? Exactly that. As some may know, I dropped out of college to be a full-time photographer, and in order to make the bills happen for the first year I became a full-time nanny. May I state now that, I love the family I work for, and I am so happy I left school.  However, as time has passed at my nanny job I can’t help but sit, twiddling my fingers waiting to get off just so I can shoot, edit, or just sit in the woods and be inspired. But, as more time passed, I became so drained, and tried after work, and things came up to where I couldn’t shoot when I wanted to, and I had no time.   Those closest to me know this more than ever, from all the tears I have shed, and the questions I have asked like “why?” and wondering how I could possibly do this job much longer because I am fully not satisfied and happy with my life. I had to make the tough decision of staying or leaving with the family, and eventually made the decision that I would be leaving in Jan. 2014 because I simply can’t go on much longer not being able to shoot, and remaining inspired is simply a must.  So though I leave the family with needing to find a new nanny, they know that it is in my best interest to follow my passion and begin my career.   So you think I have it set , right? Wrong. As simple as it may sound, I have a lot more going on in my head than becoming a full-time photographer.  My lease to my apartment ends in Jan. 2014 as well, and so I struggled with where I would live, and who, if anyone, I would live with. Eventually, time gave me that answer, and as of now I have a wonderful soon-to-be roommate if all works out and we find the right place! So, staying in Minneapolis, was the other question that was taken care of when I found the soon-to-be roommate.  I decided to put aside Oregon, and just stay in the cities for a little bit longer. But, what came around the corner next, was a struggling question of returning back to school for Biblical and Theological Studies, in the cities.  However, I wouldn’t live with the soon-to-be and I would still be putting photography aside. As I pondered that question for a few weeks, I finally came up with the answer, and that is the big news for 2014!  After many calls, talks, and headaches I finally decided that I wouldn’t be going back to school, and that I will be giving photography the chance I DESERVE.  I really had to look at everything I was considering, and I had to face a few things that I haven’t faced yet, that was that I am terrified to put my heart out there, and be full force on photography. Why? I am just afraid it won’t be liked. I guess, maybe that is an artist thing, or could be used in any field, but I am using it specifically for this purpose, and not to be biased.  But seriously, consider putting your journal out for the world to see, or your deepest desires to share.. It’s scary, and though it’s who I am, and it will be done, I tried to run from that in every way possible, and I owe a huge thanks to all of those who reminded me of who I am, what I do, and why I do it.  To all of those that have shared their stories, hopes, and prays I will forever be grateful that you helped me with this, and I couldn’t be any happier!

Like I said, I can try to plan my life in the best way possible, and hope for the best, some things might come together, and some may fall apart. But the one thing I have never had before until now is a DESIRE, and it is burning so heavily, and I cannot wait to start my career next year full force, and putting out the best work I ever have before, and I can’t wait to continue to grow, and learn. Making mistakes, learning from them, and bringing a smile back into my everyday life. To the travels I will be hopefully making and the new faces I plan on meeting, I am so joyed, and so humbled that I can finally live out my dreams, and hope to give you a realization that you can too!

I will be opening up workshops next year, more slots for shoots, and shooting personal work for submissions to galleries! I hope you stick around to see what comes out, and thank you so much for following, believing, and inspiring me to continue down a road I wouldn’t want to ever leave..

Xoxo

 

 

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